New profile

Finally up and running!

Mormon.org has finally bought into the trend of "profiles." Personally, I think this is a phenomenal idea. The Church is putting a face, multiple faces, rather, with a name. The name being The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. This is giving an opportunity to Mormons all around the world to share how they found this Church and express why it is so important to them. I've read some incredible stories.

I also love that you can add a "button" to your blog, proudly stating that you're "a Mormon." I added my little "I'm a Mormon" button a few weeks ago, but have had to wait until my profile was "approved" before anything was visible. So, if you've clicked on my button before now, you've been directed to an empty page. [Sorry.] But, I've finally been approved! *Insert sigh of relief here... guess I didn't write any false doctrine. [Wink.]*

Go read a few and see what you think.

Thought process of a girl buying a shirt

Boys: this post isn't really for you. But, it may be beneficial for you to read so you catch a small glimpse into your girl's mind when it comes to shopping.

Girls: some of us are on budgets. Some aren't. Some of us like shopping. Some don't. No matter who you are and what your opinion of shopping is, you cannot deny the little heel click and squeal when you find a shirt you know was made for you. It's happened to you before... you know which feeling I'm talking about.

If it has been a while, here is a reminder. But, I suggest you actually go and act this post out, don't just read this post. On the contrary, when you're in the mood to go shopping but Mr. Budget is holding you back, read this post to get that heel-clicking feeling out of your system. [By the way, why do I automatically assume "Budget" is male?]

Walking into your favorite store [mine is probably Gap] is like a fat kid walking into a candy store.I can't help but peek...a gorgeous little piece of cloth catches my eye [like a cute guy at a party]...I make a beeline for the product...feel the fabric...hmm, nice fabric...rearrange or fluff the neck line a titch...weezle around the hangers and neighboring clothes trying to find the price tag...hmm, not too shabby...pick it up and hold it up to yourself in the mirror...hmm, too big...search for your size...found it, YES!...it must be a sign you're suppose to buy it...sling it over your arm...feel really cool that you just found a darling piece of clothing for yourself...saunter back to the dressing room to view the piece actually on yourself...got it on...turn around in the mirror...self-affirming comments: you look dang good...this shirt was made for you...come up with reason to buy it: date with cute guy in two days...walk to the cash register...ON SALE?...it was meant to be...

Girls, am I alone in thinking like this? [Hypothetically speaking, of course...]

Do illegal immigrants pick flowers?

Joy Behar, one of the hosts of the opinion-ridden television show, The View, "shared" her opinion of Sharron Angle on the show on Tuesday. Angle is the Nevada Republican Senate Nominee running against Democrat Senate majority Leader, Harry Reid.

Situation: The co-hosts were discussing a recent political ad titled, "The Wave," released by Nominee Sharron Angle. Behar described the ad as "a Hitler youth commercial" and stated that Angle is "a moron on top of being evil" and dared Angle to "do this ad in the South Bronx." It was quite obvious what Behar's opinion of Angle is, as told by the repetitive usage of a word rhyming with "itch," and Behar telling over two million viewers where Angle should go. You know.

My favorite part of this story is Angle's response. Tuesday afternoon, Behar receives a large bouquet of flowers with a note attached:

"Joy,

Raised $150,000 online yesterday. Thanks for your help.

Sincerely,

Sharron Angle"

Classic.

How do you think our lovely Ms. Behar responded to that? She stated, “I’d like to point out that those flowers were picked by illegal immigrants, and they’re not voting for you...[insert rhyme here.]" Watch here if you're interested.

To say the least: she wasn't happy. We got to hear more rhymes with "itch" and I'm thinking Behar wants to give Angle a compass and a map to help Angle get where Behar is telling her to go.

Take a chill pill, lady! So you don't like Angle's view of illegal immigrants? Okay. Doesn't mean you have to slander Angle's name. Behar has a pretty big view of herself, in my opinion. I have never enjoyed listening to her. [But, just because of my opinion, I'm not going to call her a poopy-head and tell her to go to the DMV.]

Hallo-sushi

Looking for last minute Halloween costumes?

Here are a few I've actually seen so far this year, or ideas of which I've heard:

5. Characters from Alice in Wonderland {Father: King; Mother: Queen; two children: Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum; daughter: Alice; add characters as needed for children}

4. Princess Fiona (from Shrek)

3. A person in scrubs and white doctor jacket; person in red clothing wearing red peppers all over themselves. Get it? Dr. Pepper! {Thank you Ms. Hatch for the idea.}

2. Guy and girl in school-children clothing, girl in pigtails, both have cuts, scrapes and dirt all over them. Both are carrying pails with them. Guesses? Jack and Jill! {Thank you Ms. Hatch for the idea.}

Winner:1. Sushi set (father: chopsticks; mother: long roll and sauce; child: round California roll; add rolls as needed.) This deserves a big round of applause.

Lamps and nightmares

You know what image pops into my head whenever I go to turn on a lamp?

The scene from the movie "Aracnaphobia" when the kid reaches up to turn on the lamp and the camera shows the spider coming down from its string and almost getting the hand.

Every time. EWW.

I hope I haven't just ruined it for you, too.

Happy lamping!

Lucky Winner #40: Leigh Dethman

Per her request, Ms. Dethman is now receiving the poem she earned for becoming A.E. Jones' fortieth follower! [No judging of the rhyming, please.]

Her name is Leigh, it rhymes with we,
Leigh, I’m not sure if you play the Wii,
But I know you’ve had more than one card key,

You're dear friends with Diet Coke,
As well as the D-News folk,

Publicity is your game,
Your name will forever be in fame,

Your lipstick is pink,
your blues eyes give boys the wink,

Is this poem funny or creepy?
I hope I'm not making you weepy.

You and I try to make mad people happy,
Yes, our job is sometimes crappy.

But most of the time it is a blast,
especially when we meet the "Midway to Heaven" cast.

I draw this poem to a close,
I know you're so impressed with my prose.

Sometimes when we're well fed,
Similar ideas are said,
But please, Leigh, "get out of my head."


A big round of applause for my awesome coworker, Leigh Dethman!

Lucky winner #40?

Who wants to be

lucky follower #40?

If you follow my blog, you have three options for prizes:

1. AE Jones will twirl a hula-hoop around her neck for two minutes, or until dead, which ever one comes first.

2. AE Jones will sing you her very own rendition of "Mary had a Little Lamb."

3. AE Jones will write a poem for you and post it on her blog. (Oh geez... what am I signing myself up for?)

If you suggest my blog to your friends and they follow me, I'll let you choose one of these prizes for yourself! WOO!

[Yes, this could or could not be construed as a bribe.]

Warm Fuzzies

Join the Movement.

Oh! That's how we do it?

Favorite line from my favorite book (which I'm currently reading for the eight time):

Mr. Brocklehurst, a clergyman, asks Jane Eyre (pronounced "air") where bad people go.

Her orthodox answer: "They go to hell."

Clergyman: "What is hell?"

Jane: "A pit of fire."

Mr. Brocklehurst asks Jane if she wants to go there? No, of course not. He then asks what she is to do to avoid going to hell?

Favorite line:
"I must keep in good health, and not die."

Why didn't I think of that? Wise words, Ms. Eyre, wise words.

Niece #4 and the Bum Dial

Meet Niece #4: Danica Diane Hatch

I was just sitting down to my desk at work this morning when my cell phone started ringing. I saw that it was my older sister so I answered it.

"Hello?"

Silence.

"Hello?" [I'm pretty sure my sister doesn't talk like that.]

"Lllaaasdfw wesdf vsdfowe sd dfgd wewer! Hiiiiiiii!"

"Danica? Is Mommy there?"

"Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii! asdfjwer sdfdv dfweroif dgfdfg! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Then my sister gets on and asks, "Hello? Who is this?" I told her it was me and we both got a big laugh out of it. Apparently Niece #4 sat on the phone and I was the lucky "callee."


Niece #4: Danica Diane Hatch

[In her family, they don't say "cheese" when taking a picture, they say "queso." This is her rendition of "queso."]

[She has her mother's (and her Aunt Ash's) charm.]

[She has lots of love and smiles.]

[She is a total pixie, just like all my nieces.]

Happy Fall

I'd like to thank the Native Americans who were inhabiting this land at the time of the arrival of European immigrants. Our feather-wearing friends introduced our somber ancestors to something that has, more or less, become a tradition: corn.

(My coworkers darling wife.)

I love corn. I love fall. I love when corn and fall come together in the form of Cornbelly's at Thanksgiving Pt. If you haven't gone, go. It is a blast.

Compliments to my coworker Brent Rowland and his amazing camera for these fantastic pictures he snapped for our marketing team: happy fall, my readers!

Guest Chef [Yuuuummmy!]

A HUGE shout out to Lindsay in Texas for this delicious recipe.

We call it "broo-SHET-uh," but I think the technical Italian pronunciation is "broo-SKET-uh."

Ingredients
-6 to 8 roma tomatoes
-1/2 cup fresh basil leaves (I use more since we grow our own and have it on hand)
-1-2 cloves garlic, minced
-1/2 cup sun dried tomatoes packed in oil
-1 t kosher salt
-freshly ground black pepper, to taste
-balsamic vinegar, to taste (I like just a dash; Jay likes around 2 tablespoons)
-fresh mozzarella cheese, thinly sliced artisan bread, sliced and toasted (we usually use baguettes, but the pictured rosemary olive oil loaf was great, too)
-Jay and I recently invested in a food processor, but we used to just dice everything by hand. Both ways make great bruschetta; hand dicing results in a chunkier consistency, while the food processor gives it more of a thick salsa-like texture.

Note: For best results, it's important to use fresh basil leaves and fresh mozzarella--the texture of aged mozzarella is completely different. If you want to substitute cheeses, try sprinkling grated parmesan or romano over the top of the bruschetta. [Note from AE Jones: they usually sell fresh mozzarella in the deli section - it usually comes in a package filled with special water or oil. Fresh is definitely best.]

If using a food processor, add the basil, sundried tomatoes and minced garlic. Pulse several times until chopped (you want the dried tomatoes small or their flavor gets overwhelming), then add the tomatoes, salt, pepper and balsamic vinegar. Pulse until tomatoes are small chunks (I pulsed one too many times on this batch--we usually like it a bit chunkier). Taste and adjust seasonings as needed.

If cutting by hand, cut up sundried tomatoes finely (I find that either kitchen shears or a large, sharp knife works best). Dice roma tomatoes and mince garlic. Cut basil into small pieces. Stir together and add salt, pepper and balsamic vinegar.

Layer mozzarella cheese on toasted bread slices and spoon bruschetta over the top.

Godere! Guten Appetit! [Enjoy!]

Sweet "Truth" not Tooth

Not sure what everyone is doing for Halloween this year, since Halloween falls on a Sunday, but I thought I might glue bite-size Snickers to "pass along cards" to hand out.

**Insert BIG wink here.**

Part Two: Jury Duty and Bathroom Charm

If you missed Part One, check it out before moving on to Part Two.

Part Two:
Fortunately for me, GoogleMaps for Blackberry was on my side this morning. Last time I tried it, she didn't work for me. Not that I couldn’t have found Matheson Courthouse on my own [it is kind of hard to miss] but I was nervous when I got on the freeway and saw everyone else and their dog leaving for downtown at the same time I was. I really didn’t want to be late and be "found in contempt of court" and be fined up to $1,000. I need every penny right now – so, I guess it’s needless to say I put the pedal to the metal after I passed the extra-rubbery rubberneckers. [Which is slightly ironic because if I were to have been stopped by our friendly state trooper, I would have been fined and had to pay something anyway… then I’d be extra late and extra fined. Sheesh. Good thing I kept it under 100 mph. [Just kidding Mama Jones.] [She loves it when I joke like that.]

My goal when I woke up this morning was to try and make at least four people smile.
First victim: the parking guard. I drive up, smile and said in a sing-songy voice, “Good morning!” He looked at me for a second, blinked, and I just kept staring right back at him smiling and waiting. He smiled, kind of shook his head and asked if I was here for jury duty. HA! Am I EVER! He pointed the direction I was to go, smiled and shook his head. I think that deserves double points: a smile AND a shake of the head. I’m good.

I walked into a large waiting room which already held at least 60 people. All eyes fell on me as I walked in. Good thing I didn’t have a piece of toilet paper stuck to my shoe or something, cause that would have been embarrassing. Talk about “walk of shame.” The county clerk entered and told us there are a couple of big trials going on today and that we would be pretty busy. Do I know what that means for me? Nope.

[Random note: did you know you get paid for serving jury duty? A whole $18.50 on the first day if you're chosen!]

Anyway... to educate us on jury selection, the county clerk turned on a video, similar in style, drama and hilarity, to what you would see in driver’s ed or traffic school. [This being my first time, I honestly appreciated the direction. What's that? Of course I didn’t have any sarcastic comments pop in my head while watching this video. Who do you think I am?]

Okay, so here's the highlight of my day: after the video, the county clerk invited us to use the restroom and get some water while we waited for the bailiff to come and retrieve us. For any of you who know AE Jones, you’ll know that her bladder is about the size of a green pea. [Too much information? Sorry.] Thinking I was smart, I waited a few minutes for the crowd in the bathroom to die down. Boys: you have it so easy. Girls: at least we bond while waiting in line, don’t we? At least I did this morning with the women behind and in front of me. Joan and Marsha. Both in their 70's or 80's - they were my next victims to make smile. Oh geez – I turned on a little charm and cracked a few cheesy jokes, but had to stop because I thought their dentures were going to pop out, they were laughing so hard. *Wink* Yep, there’s that charm again.

I finally made it through the line and back into the waiting room. I sat and worked on this blog post for about 30 minutes while the guy next to me rocked out to Mariah Carey on his Pod. Finally, Mr. Bailiff came in and announced that if your name was called, you could go.

The second to last name: AE Jones. Doh.

And then, it was over.

I walked out.

With the toilet paper trailing behind. [Not really... it fits the moment though.]

Now I anxiously wait two years before I can see "Jones, Ashley E." on that yellow summons card.

Ladies, get your dentures ready!

Part One: Jury Duty

I've been summoned.

Yep, I got a yellow card in the mail today; return address: Third District Court SLC. They even placed my last name first: Jones, Ashley E., with my address following closely behind. You know they mean business when they put your last name first.

Jury Duty.

I'm to report to the Third District Court tomorrow morning at 8:30 a.m., in business attire. Good thing they clarified the dress code for me on the automated message machine - I probably would have shown up in my Power Ranger footy pajamas. (If you're wondering which color: pink. Come on.) (You're really wondering if I have pink Power Ranger footy pajamas, aren't you? I'm just going to let you keep wondering...)

I would be lying if I said I wasn't excited to participate in this civil duty tomorrow. I'm incredibly intrigued by law and government - I will admit, however, I don't know as much about it as I'd like.

Maybe if I watch The Firm a few more times, I'll be set. Any of John Grisham's movies would have been the perfect prep course for me in putting on my best "juror" face. Frown? Or intense stare? Not sure which one. Tom, a little help please?

Getting a little more serious here, I'm excited to go and be a part of my government tomorrow. I'm sincerely grateful for the opportunity. Who knows if they'll even use me - I work for a pretty conservative and influential company. (I work directly across the street from Temple Square in the great city of Salt Lake... The One who owns the square, owns my job.)


So stay tuned for more on my experience as Juror Number ********. (I don't want you rushing to court tomorrow and stealing my number and place in line.) Please pray that I don't pull an "Urkel" and end up making a visit to the station next door.

Eight years old

Don't you miss being eight years old? This picture is compliments of a phone so the quality isn't amazing - if you can't tell, Nephew #1 has no top front teeth. Love it. And congratulations to him: he just got baptized yesterday!

A Lesson to Women from the Prophet

For those of you who attended/ watched/ listened to the General Relief Society Meeting a few Saturdays ago, I'm not sure if you caught something.

My coworker and I were talking about it and we realized that we were "lovingly chastised" by our Prophet. In a matter of words, he told us there is a lot of pettiness (mean or ungenerous in small or trifling things) going on today among women. And in a matter of words, he told us to stop.

We absolutely needed to hear that.

I can't help but think know that we need to hear those comments from our leaders! We need to stop being so petty and rude to our fellow sisters. We need to stop judging and realize that we are all working toward the same goal. I promise it won't hurt you to say "hi" to one of your Relief Society sisters in the hall. I promise, she won't bite. Sit down next to someone new and make a friend. You have no idea what an angel you could be to that woman by just sitting next to her. If there is a single sister in your family ward, embrace her. If there is a clique of rude women in your ward who think they are better than everyone, pray for them and try your best to love and befriend them. If you serve as the Relief Society president and women shun you because you're their leader, love them and include them. Ask for their opinions on decisions. They're human. You're human.

If you judge someone, you have no time to love them.

Eliza R. Snow is one of my heroes - she told the women in the Nauvoo Relief Society how it was. No mincing words. No fluff. She gave it to them straight; we need more of that today. The problem is, when we do "get it straight," so many people get offended. It is sad when offense is taken at something the God is trying to tell His daughters. It wasn't just President Monson's idea to talk to us about charity, righteously judging others, and "dirty laundry vs. dirty windows," it was God's idea.

Yes, we are good, but the purpose of being "here" is to get better.

Stop. Listen. Smile. God loves us.

Funny Friday Film (REALLY funny)

You know what they say... lint is a shells best friend.

MARCEL THE SHELL WITH SHOES ON from Dean Fleischer-Camp on Vimeo.

Thank you Let's Have Bizarre Celebrations for sharing this clip. I haven't laughed this hard in a while.

Fundamental Things

1. Gods laws cannot and will not change.
2. God is not ashamed of His laws and commandments. If we have faith in Him, we shouldn't be either.
3. Yes, people can to change behavior.

How to answer "THAT" question...

"So... why aren't you married yet?"


We've all heard it... we all hate it... we'll all hear it again a few more times from Aunt Lynn, Grandma Betsy, the Relief Society president in our parents' ward, and probably the singles ward bishop.


Here are a few responses to throw their way when they pop that ever-unfortunate question.
Thanks goes to Erin Ann McBride at Meridian Magazine.


“She was killed in the war in heaven.”

“Prop 8 ruined it for me.”

“Why aren’t you thin?”

“My mother says no one is good enough for me. “

“I suppose it doesn’t help that underneath my clothes my entire body is covered in scales.” (Paraphrasing Bridget Jones’ Diary)

“I’m still hoping for a shot at Miss America.”

“I just haven’t met you yet.”

“I paid for a lifetime membership on eHarmony, and don’t want to lose my investment.”

Christmas... according to Costco

Wait, is it Christmas time? Based on Costco's current decor, I could have sworn we were in the middle of December.

Bows... ribbon... Christmas cards... nativity scenes...what the, why so early, Costco? Let me enjoy a little fall before you throw me into winter.

I love celebrating Christmas, but not on September 29 when you started celebrating.

Friday Film (Ready to Learn?)

Do you remember those spelling and grammar tests you took in elementary school? They were for a purpose. I know, surprise, right? When do you use incorrect vs. incorrectly? What is the difference between "I could care less" and "I couldn't care less"? Ahh... haven't thought of that one before, have you? When will Mr. Webster accept "nucular" in the dictionary? It's close enough to nuclear, and everyone prounounces it like that anyway(s). Right? (Yes, it is "anyway" with no "s.") I think my favorite is "your" and "you're." FYI: "You're" is a contraction of "you are." If you tell someone they're great or they're coming to the movie, "You're great," "you're coming to the movie." (You are great, not your great... your great what? Your great aunt? Your is possessive. You are coming to the movie.) Clear as mud?

Watch this video to see how many "grammer" (actually spelled "grammar") mistakes you make.